Sometimes you meet the most wonderful people in the world, without even looking for them. Dr Ashok and Asha were one such serendipitous relationships. We met Dr. Ashok and Dr Asha somewhere in early 2000. this young couple had come to Kochi with their little daughter Parul. They both were working at Medical Trust. The connect was instant. We were Kashmiris, Ashok was a Kashmiri too and like all migrants who bump into each other by chance, the bonding was instant.
But in hindsight now, I know that we would have been our friends even otherwise. Dr Ashok’s simplicity, his efficiency, his down to earth nature, his concern for older people, his gentleness and his sense of humor charmed us off our feet.
The medical fraternity we went to and consulted have always been stern, often unapproachable, people. Both Ashok and Asha were kind and compassionate people, ready to help us medically and otherwise. They came as a breath of fresh air. And they extended themselves not just to us, but to anyone who approached them, so much so that they became friends with all our friends and were the people our friends too reached out to, when they were in need of medical advice or any kind of help.
When we met the Kauls our kids were not in Kochi. With Ashok, I saw a son. They made a place in our hearts more than our kids. They had another daughter here and we became a part of their weekends. Good doctors are hard to have and Dr Ashok carved a niche for himself here, professionally soon.
Ashok was special because he was good to everyone. We watched as his peers at the hospital always had a sense of respect when they uttered his name, as did the watchman of the apartment he lived in. He was concerned about everyone’s welfare, including the staff of hospital, as much as the helper in the household. He remembered their troubles and checked on everyone who approached him. Asha, his gentle and smiling wife complimented him in everything—at home and at work. Whenever a feast was arranged in the house, he saw to it that everyone had had their fill and I’ve seen him serving the helper her meal with his own hands to make sure that she got to eat everything that was prepared. Anyone who worked with him, worked with him forever.
Every time the newspapers reported his success, we felt ourselves brimming in pride. In the years that they were in Kochi we were happiest when we spoke on the phone or shared a meal. We were getting older, but that felt okay because we had a son and a daughter–Ashok and Asha—here at arm’s length, who dropped things at a moment’s notice when we were ill or distressed. What can you ask for more in life?
It broke our heart when they decided to move to Bengaluru. But children should be set free when they need to fly and, even though we felt bereft with their impending absence, we bid farewell to the family.
Yet they kept in touch. And every time he came to Kochi he never failed to call—and if he could—he came over.
When you are growing old, you look at the young and see them shining. Life seems beautiful. In our weariness with life, we sometimes forget that they too are battling things. I find that I am unable to forgive myself for what Ashok chose to do. Why weren’t we there when he was battling hardship? Knowing Ashok I know he would never choose to unburden himself on anyone…. because he was not the unburdening kinds. He only took on others burdens. But I wish I had reached out to him and told him what I had learnt in life: that he could wait out the storm and that it would be okay.
But his journey this life was shorter than we all could have imagined.
We can’t undo the past. I wish we could unlearn our mistakes. I wish we could, but we can’t. I wish Asha and his two beautiful daughters the strength to go through their grief. Their battle with grief and loneliness has just started. I will carry Ashok’s words, strength and laughter with me and wade through my day. I know that this is what they will choose to do now. May his soul rest in peace.
Krishna Bhan
Family friend, Cochin
Dr Ashok koul, a man with great stature, great teacher, gifted microsurgeon, daring surgeon and wonderful human being with kind heart is now history. Still it is unbelievable that he is not with us. This news left us shattered and alone. I spent reasonable amount of time with him at Sparsh and our relation was like father & son, Teacher & student, Mentor & follower, Colleague, friend, local guardian, advisor, troubleshooter and lot more...... when I look back, I feel my back strength is missing, aura of my mentor is missing, the courage, he used to give me, to take challenges is missing. Out of box thinker, innovator, thorough professional, knowledge tank is left us within blink of eye. He was such a gem of person, who always ready of accept his mistakes and same time ready to accept ideas from juniors which a normal person can’t. In my view it is just not only loss to me, his family, his followers, colleagues, friends, plastic surgery society but also its huge loss to nation and coming plastic surgery generations. We will miss you sir and you will always be in our heart.
Sushil Nahar
ConsultantPlastic Aesthetic & Reconstructive Microsurgery, Sparsh n Contour clinic, Jodhpur
On 20th March 2017, I lost my beloved Mama who treated me as younger sister and I called him Bhyiaji. A talented human being with great heart suddenly left us leaving behind great memories which will remain with us forever. Bhyiaji was a noble, pious and down to earth human being. He was always kind to everybody and great inspiration to all of us. His absence has left great void in our lives. I pray to Almighty to rest his soul in peace and give courage to all of us to bear this tragic loss especially his family.
Will always miss him.........
Sister (Pami)
Sunita Bhan (Pami)
On 20th March 2017, I lost my beloved Mama who treated me as younger sister and I called him Bhyiaji. A talented human being with great heart suddenly left us leaving behind great memories which will remain with us forever. Bhyiaji was a noble, pious and down to earth human being. He was always kind to everybody and great inspiration to all of us. His absence has left great void in our lives. I pray to Almighty to rest his soul in peace and give courage to all of us to bear this tragic loss especially his family.
Will always miss him.........
Sister (Pami)
Sunita Bhan (Pami)
House wife, NA, New Delhi
Dr Ashok Raj Koul left for his heavenly abode a month back. The whole family has yet to come out of this sudden, unexpected and irreparable loss. We all are missing his absence with sorrow. We humbly pray Almighty to grant place to the departed soul in His feet and courage, fortitude and strength to all members of the family to bear this loss.
Lt Col Angad Singh(Retd)
Lt Col, Retd from Army, Mohali (Punjab)
Arrived NIMS like a diamond uncut
A jewel in the making nobody foreseen
What a silly question he asked, his colleagues thought
Unaware of its implications the future brought
An inspiration and guide to juniors and colleagues alike,
Nothing he touched was left unimprovised
A plexus or a flap, perforator based or free
A replant or any other problem new or old
A true follower of philosophy of plastic surgery
Solve and master a problem
Move to the next with the same enthusiasm
Leaving behind a legacy full of grit and charm
How can anybody forget
His presentations at meetings academic
Touching the core, not a word unmeant
Revealing his true self on and off the stage
So young he reached his final abode
May his soul rest in peace
Give enough strength to bear this loss, I pray to God,
To his family members and one and all.
Dr.P.R.K.Prasad
Consultant Plastic Surgeon, pinnacle hospital, Visakhapatnam
20th March, 2017 will always be a day when i would remember the loss of gem of a human being. Ashok Mamu was my mother's classmate and that's how my mother always used to tell me his stories of Witt and intelligence. I was so impressed even before i met him as an teenager. I met him in Bangalore when i was about to give my medical entrance for which he suggested a big no to go for. I still ended up in engg there and then there was no looking back. :-)
He was amazing in all the roles. Be it being a doc, being a husband, being a father, being a son or for that matter anything.
You will be terribly missed Mamu. :-|
Umika Kaul
Systems Engineer, Infosys Limited, Chandigarh
For me, he's simply, "Ashok". My friend's husband. while the friendship has weathered long years(since 1984!), the association with Ashok hasn't been in depth. That said, like they don't say- the wearer knows where the shoe doesn't bite, I've scarcely heard a contrary word from Asha. There's was a well adjusted relationship.
In person, I had met Ashok only once, years ago. They had battled Bangalore traffic and driven two hours for a shared meal. In jest, he had complained about Asha's healthy cooking at home and delightfully ordered a deep fry.
On a serious note, yes, despite one's satisfying professional and personal lives- battling that low feeling can be mentally exhausting. We must endeavour to keep alive by doing those small pleasurable activities. Be it a musical instrument, meeting with a friend, or whatever works at uplifting our mood. Akin to one's physical wellbeing, we're bound to maintaining an amenable emotional equilibrium.
Ashok, you'll be missed as my friend's spouse, too. RIP.
Anita Rao
Family friend, , psychologist, , artist, Visakhapatnam
I met Dr. Ashok sir in eduplast meet in Chennai. I had presented a case report on sternal defect management. Needless to say, he was the most active participant in the discussion.. His views and interaction impressed me a lot. His depth of knowledge and his description of subject was beyond words. At the same time he presented his video on para scapular flaps which was a work of perfection. I had the opportunity to meet him and had a brief interaction with him. I still remember his smile and how welcoming he was when I told him I wish to work under him after finishing residency as I personally belong to Bangalore. A few months later when I had a presentation to be made for para scapular flaps , the first thought that came to my mind was Dr.Ashok. When I requested him his flaps videos, he immediately mailed me..He was so humble.
His demise came as a shock to me. In fact all of us. Though you are not there today with us sir., Your encouraging words will remain always in my mind. You are a great inspiration to all. May your soul rest in peace.
Dr. Janhavi
Mch post graduate, Madras medical college chennai, Chennai
On 2017 march 20th around 4.30 pm we received a phone call with a terrible and unexpected news. Even in the news it was informed from Medical Trust Hospital, Ernakulam. We were praying that it should not be true. We didn't have the phone no of Sparsh hospital after long enquiry we got the number. I couldn't dial the number.. my hands were shivering..I called the hospital praying that it should not be true, but unfortunately the news was not fake it was true.. But i couldn't believe that he can do like that still i believe that he can't do. I couldn't move an inch and was not able to speak a word.
I closed my eyes. I could see those old old days.... Memories of those 17 years ..till our last meeting on February 2017. In 2000 March 11th..I lost my two upper limbs in an accident. I was brought to Medical Trust Hospital Ernakulam. My parents were struck, they are where totally blank... they did not know what to do.. The dreams my parents had for me were going to drown. At that time he came into your life.. Doctor Ashok Raj Koul.. That was the first time I saw him.. My God.. God of hopes he replies to my abducted hands.
Every time my doctor used to to say "you are my elder doctor" I also like to say he is also my father my Godfather. It was him who stretched his hands and pull me and my family out of drowning and it was him to encourage us to see new dreams. He stayed with me day and night and checked even minute movements in my hands. His dedication towards profession and his love leads me and my family to a new life. I stayed almost 1 year in hospital. His wife Dr Asha and daughter always visited me . She also loves me a lot, took care of mine and encourages me.
He gave me a lot of strength and to my family . If i faced any problem in hands he always says that " Athelam kuzapamila " (that's not a problem ). That's words was the world's no 1 medicine for me.
Days Passed...months and years passed.. Now I am an engineering graduate.. Only days ahead for my marriage.. All because of my dear doctor. The person who has promised me that he will come for my marriage with his family.. is no more in this world..
How many people got their life and dreams back because of him so many are waiting for their chances.
Every time my fingers move or I do anything with my hand I remember you dear doctor.
Last but not least doctor Asha Koul wife of doctor Ashok Raj Kaul and his daughters my only sisters; the support they have given to me and my family is not negligible Dear doctor... Only words that I can say is Thank You and my hearty condolences..
Reshma R S
Haripad, Alappuzha